Catching the Tim Tam Bus

I have never considered pursuing a life of crime before but everyone has their price. That thing that pushes them that bit too far and sends them over the mythical edge. That thing that drives even the likes of Carol Brady on a wild, criminal rampage and everyone knows she is the epitome of model behavior!!!

It’s called temptation.

“But you’re so nice!!” I hear you ponder. “How could YOU ever consider a life of crime? What’s got into you overnight?!!”

Before you invite me round for a nice, long cup of tea and an extended heart-to-heart, you’d better hear me out. I’m sure that 0nce you’ve heard my dastardly criminal plans, you’ll probably want to throw in your day jobs and join me. We can hit the highway together!

Anyway, I’m not actually contemplating a life of crime. It’s more of a one-off crime of passion and you know how it is with crimes of passion. They usually let you off with a slap on the wrist and a few hours of community service… even when you represent yourself in court!

Besides, you’ll never find a jury, at least not in Australia, which would send me to jail for hijacking the Tim Tam Bus. The jury, to put it simply, would “understand”. Some temptations are just way too strong to resist! You see, there isn’t much your typical Aussie battler won’t do to get hold of a Tim Tam…make that a packet. One Tim Tam is never enough!

This is an exceptionally rare packet of Tim Tams. The tray isn't empty!!

This is an exceptionally rare packet of Tim Tams. The tray isn’t empty!!

The thing about this particular crime is that I know someone who knows someone who knows someone on the bus. I’m not really sure how this helps but it certainly sounds like an inside job. That’s supposed to make things a bit easier but I’ve never even met this bloke so I’m not sure how’s that supposed to help?!!

As much as I love Tim Tams, I have to confess that I’m not much of a criminal mastermind. Although  I’m a writer with a half-decent imagination, I write motivational stuff and dog stories for kids. I also write poetry but that’s not going to be much help either.

I could possibly play my violin by the side of the road. They might actually throw a few Tim Tams in my case as they drove passed.  That would be nice but why be content with just a few Tim Tams when I could really pig out?!!

At this point I’m wondering just how many Tim Tams are actually on the bus? How many kilos of glorious, irresistible, yummy, scrumptious, amazing Tim Tams? Oh! Just the thought of it is making me salivate!

However…

Even though I know hijacking the Tim Tam Bus would be the perfect crime of passion and I would probably get myself off and even make millions selling my audacious tale of Tim Tam addiction on the talk show circuit, I have no idea how to actually hijack a bus especially when I’m “so nice”.

You see, it’s not always a case of where there’s a will there’s a way

Calvin Coolidge’s great quote about persistence doesn’t always hold true either: “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination are omnipotent. The slogan press on has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

Besides, most of the time they leave out the next line of Coolidge’s quote:

“ No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.”

Whoops!

Anyway, back to my dastardly plot.

Bilbo doesn't look very motivated after all!

Bilbo doesn’t look very motivated after all!

I could, of course, recruit the dog. He’d do anything for food and doesn’t understand that “chocolate is bad for dogs”. Perhaps, Bilbo could pretend to be a sort of black and white fluffy version of Red Dog and hitch a ride (see here for Red Dog http://www.scribd.com/doc/78108595/Red-Dog-Womans-Weekly) Something tells me Red Dog would have approved of such a mission. He was a bit of a character, after all!

However, sometimes I forget Bilbo is really a dog and not a person and he’d probably eat all the Tim Tams and die of chocolate poisoning before I’d even had a bite.

There are, of course, more traditional ways of ambushing buses but I’m not 21 anymore and as the song goes: “I’d do anything for love but I won’t do that!”

So I guess I’m back to the drawing board. Any ideas?

xx Rowena

PS I just told the kids about the Tim Tam Bus and Miss asked if she could eat it. Hmm. She’s definitely my daughter!

One of the worst crimes you could commit in Australia...taking the last Tim Tam.

One of the worst crimes you could commit in Australia…taking the last Tim Tam.

7 thoughts on “Catching the Tim Tam Bus

  1. motherhoodisanart

    This is so funny! I just read another fellow Aussie talking about Tim Tams the other day. I had never heard about them before! She assured me as well that we were definitely missing out here in the US!!!

  2. roweeee Post author

    Hi Melissa,
    Tim Tams are the most amazing things and there’s this whole sort of culture around them. Things like I’d rather have a Tim Tam than a man. I don’t know what it is about them but a Tim Tam seems to just hit the spot at the end of a hard day. No matter what sort of problem you’ve been having, a Tim Tam just makes everything better. Now, that’s not the sort of advice some health guru would give you but comfort eating in this case definitely works and is way cheaper than seeing a shrink.
    We have what you’d probably describe as a disgusting Tim Tam ritual which used to be called the “Tim Tam Suck” when I was back at uni but has been gentrified into “the Tim Tam explosion”. You bite the ends off your Tim Tam and stick the end into coffee like a straw and suck the coffee through. The Tim Tam falls apart quickly and is wasted if it falls into your coffee. The Tim Tam tastes out of this world and you can get some awesomely disgusting photos if you are that way inclined. That, of coourse, is me thinking back to my uni students days and of course, I am much more refined these days and would never dream of being photographed like that.
    Bets wishes,
    Rowena

  3. thelifeshemade

    Wow, sounds like everyone was at this Tim Tam bus today! I’m sure if you ask nicely they’ll let you on and they’ll even give you a packet of Tim Tams.

    I’m sort of staying away from those dastardly things at the moment in any case. 🙂

  4. roweeee Post author

    I have been avoiding them for quite some time too and actually traded them in for green smoothies at the start of last year. Tim Tams have a way of creeping back into your heart. I can’t give them the cold shoulder for long!
    Thanks for visiting my blog by the way and I have enjoyed yours.Best wishes,
    Rowena

  5. Pingback: It’s the little things in life… | JahsWorld

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