Staying on Course III: Beyond Lost

I Don’t know whether I’m Arthur or Martha at the moment. It’s 10.30AM Monday morning and I’ve just staggered out of bed feeling incredibly whoozy and disoriented.

Geoff went back to work this morning and was up at 6.00am. I decided to get up and have breakfast with him before he headed back home for the rest of the working week. I did what at least appeared to me to be some amazingly inspiring spiritual writing and then went back to bed for a few hours. I’m now sitting back at my laptop to work through this morning’s writing effort with a cup of English Breakfast Tea and a chocolate chip cookie…part of a batch of biscuits I made for Church yesterday arvo.

Choc Pecan Cookies.

Choc Pecan Cookies.

Just to make sure you don’t get the wrong idea, I’ve never made biscuits for Church before and this is only the second time we’ve been to this little Church in Avalon and technically we’re “just visiting”. I know I sounds like a real try hard but they were starting up a new roster and with all the cooking we’ve been doing lately, I felt drawn to contribute. I’m really pleased I made the biscuits because they were a great ice breaker. After all, don’t you find that home-made food knits people together in a way that the bought stuff can’t? There’s something about making it with your own hands and the love you pour into your cooking that must give it some kind of unique DNA.

Another biscuit…

After all my kayaking and thoughts about goal setting of late, I’ve been thinking a lot about direction and the pros and cons of staying on course.  However, I don’t think that I’ve actually mentioned that I’m directionally challenged in any of these discussions. Indeed, I was even born facing the wrong direction. That’s right. I was born “sunny side up” facing up instead of down in what is called the posterior position. Naturally, I’ve concluded that this dodgy beginning has somehow set me up for life.  What hope did I have?

Geoff will confirm that my sense of direction has hardly improved. I turn maps “upside down” or should I say the right way up to navigate. In this regard, I’m hardly unique and I’m sure many of you will understand my exasperation with Google maps which insists on turning the map back around. They won’t let you hold the map “upside down”. What were those Google people thinking?!! This system was obviously designed by very single blokes who never go driving with women. Supergeeks! I knew it had to be the geeks! Technology and I also have an uneasy relationship and if my husband wasn’t a geek, I’d be totally convinced that the geeks are out to get me. Not that I’m paranoid!

I’m not going to go into the details of some of the navigational encounters I’ve had with Geoff, especially looking for hotels in unfamiliar cities after dark but I will mention Canberra which is generally known as a difficult city to navigate and there was a certain hotel which was supposed to be in Canberra but was actually in NSW which is like a different state and it was on a side road and wasn’t anywhere near where it was supposed to be. We drove passed that hotel at least 3 or 4 times trying to find it. We were seriously hovering on the very edge of divorce after that experience and all the manager cared about was getting the best marketing angle. Grr!

So you can see why I need some extra help with direction not just in terms of geography but also in terms of where my life is heading. It can also be a bit spatially challenged as well.

As much as I have my goals and can be exceptionally focused, like all of us I can also get lost. Sometimes, I get so lost that I can barely find my way home. As you know, I have a lot of medical issues so there are times where I’m seriously struggling on the home front with just about everything and then the kids also throw their hat in the ring. Miss refuses to brush her hair. One or both of the kids can’t find their shoes. They refuse to do their music practice, home work…everything! It is little wonder that I feel lost and my bubble crash lands back to earth with an audible “pop”.

Lost isn’t good but then there’s “beyond lost”.

You see, “beyond lost” is where you are rapidly speeding the wrong direction so completely and utterly focused on your goal that you’re oblivious to your real position…a very, very long way from where you’re actually meant to be. This sort of thing can so easily happen when people get swept up in a new idea and just go for it. Don’t listen to advice. Don’t learn from other people’s mistake. Switch off to anything negative. Just be positive! Ride the wave!

Hello!

Rather than being the exception, beyond lost seems the norm. There are a lot of lost and bewildered sheep out there wandering around with dents in their head.

Procrastination isn’t a good thing either but this is where balanced consideration comes in.

Geoff and I talked about this and it really is very hard to get the balance right. It is difficult to have that sense of direction and focus on a goal and yet also be able to juggle multiple hats. I really need to focus on my writing and getting these books I’ve been sitting on finished. At the same time, I also need to spend serious time with Geoff and the kids and really be focused on my health and recovery. Getting the balance right is going to take some serious consideration and constant monitoring to see that I stay on track. That my kayak isn’t veering off course. This will require a newly acquired vigilance and I think that had better start with replacing the battery in my watch. Keeping a better track of time is my first step. After all, that way I will have the best chance of leading a well-rounded life with the people I love while also pursuing my other passions.

Hmm. I’m sure you’ve probably heard all of this before.

That’s why I have the check list but I am who I am and that’s why it is yet another Monday and the check list isn’t set up and I haven’t even done the first thing on my to do list which is vitally urgent. I need to organise my blood tests for tomorrow. These are the big verdict blood tests…very important and the day is well and truly racing away. Talk about neglecting my priorities, going the wrong direction and dare I say it being “beyond lost” myself.

I guess this means that I am still a work in progress.

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