Diagnosis: A Rough Week!

Just because things could always be worse, that doesn’t mean they couldn’t be better! Or, that you haven’t been through some kind of traumatic “Beam me up Scotty” experience where only bits of you have returned back down to earth. You’re feeling strangely fragmented and more than a little bit shell-shocked.

You should never have to apologise for these less than spectacular moments just because they don’t turn out to be something major. You are still having to go through the same hoops and they aren’t usually much fun in themselves either.

At the same time, these stresses can create post-traumatic growth because even though you might feel dreadful at the time, you are actually becoming “Tonka tough”. Through building up resilience, hardship adds new whiz bang state-of-the-art equipment to your personal tool box so you can fly and literally soar beyond all the crap and off into the blue yonder. That is, once you’ve cleared the ground.

“The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man’s body.The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life’s most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become. Conversely, the absolute absence of burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant. What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?”
― Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being (somewhat chauvinistic but still a good quote.)

We’ve had a pretty grueling week taking our 9 year old daughter to have a Barium Meal and an endoscopy to test for things like coeliac’s disease and other gastric nasties  So, it’s no wonder I’m feeling awful and I’m left wishing I’d snatched the anaethesetic mask off her face and breathed deep, so deep that I’d still be asleep. Not that I want to make it permanent. It’s just that after all this stress,  a good dose of anaethesetic is just what the patient’s mother has ordered.

“Name…Date of Birth…” Asks the nurse.

Damn! It’s pretty obvious I’m not a 9 year old girl.

Neither of these tests were nice or something you put your child through unless you’re pretty sure there’s  a problem. After all, they’re not an ice cream taste test challenge. In the case of the Barium Meal, it involves feeding a little person who is quite the non-eater  yucky, chalky tasting stuff. In the case of the endoscopy, they’ll be shoving a camera down into her stomach on a long tube. On top of that, there’s also the scariness of going into hospital and her terror that if she’s coeliac, that she’ll have to be gluten free and “never be able to eat party food ever again”. I don’t think the whole thing of having a camera fed done into her stomach had even sunk in and we certainly weren’t pressing the point. She was being so brave and courageous but she did want it over and done with.

As I said, you don’t put your child through all of that without very good reason. Our Miss is quite underweight and has trouble eating more than just a sparrow-sized meal. I have written sagas about sandwiches returning home untouched. That’s annoying and wasteful. However, the real gripe with all of this, is the shocking bad moods as her blood sugar plummets and Miss Jekyl returns home. These mood swings alone justify a swag of medical tests as they can be very draining.

By the  way, I should also mentioned that I’ve been through these tests myself. I can’t really remember the Barium Meal and I just remember the post-anaethesetic haze when I woke up from the endoscopy. I’ve been through much worse and they really are relatively minor tests but it’s very different watching your 9 year old daughter going through it than doing  it yourself. Indeed, so much worse that I really could have used that anaethesetic.

“for there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one’s own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes.”
Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Anyway, the tests began with the Barium Meal swallow on Monday. Needless to say, I worked myself up into quite a frenzy, wondering if she’d actually swallow the stuff or stubbornly refuse or even throw it up? I expected tears, protests and the biggest tantrum ever recorded and was truly bracing myself for the worst.Consequently, Geoff took the day off work and came with us and I’m sure that helped to maintain the peace because she was fine and handled it all like her mother.

Then, we had to wait for the results..

Stick any sort of probe into your body’s dark and mysterious innards and you have to be prepared that they’ll find something you might not want to be found. Now, I’m not talking about that secret pot of gold you buried in there years ago or other forms of hidden treasure. I’m talking about all those potential nasties which could be lurking in your body that you don’t want to know about. You have to be prepared that one of these has moved into your body and may not be willing to leave. Of course, Google fuels all these fears better than kerosene hurled on an open fire, lading to all cyberchondria is all it’s numerous mutations.

For our daughter,  the Barium Meal test was looking for structural anomalies such as a twist in the oesophagus. I quickly decided that we didn’t want this…especially when I read that the appendix can also be in the wrong place and need to come out as well. All of a sudden, I pictured our precious baby girl being carved up like a lamb roast as they seemingly rearranged and extracted her insides. My goodness. I quickly exited that diagnosis. Yes, we were definitely not having that…not that you can pick and choice your diagnosis or its severity but we all like to think illness is like a shopping list and we can have some degree of choice about which diagnosis we put in the trolley. Ha!

When it comes to medical test results, there’s the good news, the bad news and the inevitable inconclusive question mark. Obviously, we all want the good news but if everything was fine why was there a need for the tests in the first place? As long as there’s effective treatment, the bad news may not be quite so bad as it first seems if the problem can either be fixed or managed. However, the more I think about it, the inconclusive question mark might just be the worst result of all. Being neither good nor bad, this can easily fall into the rare disease category where you start hearing phrases like: “we don’t really know” and “I’ve never seen this before.”

Trust me! I know all about that!!

Anyway, the Barium Meal test went well and was relatively uneventful, although she did complain about the taste.On the other hand, she said that the x-ray equipment was great fun because it twirled her around. That was an unexpected joy so you can’t predict how these things are going to pan out!

The results were great and came back without a glitch!!

With Thursday being the endoscopy down in Sydney and a hospital admission and all, I just wanted Wednesday to go smoothly without any complications and for everything and everyone to leave us alone so we could be prepared. Of course, this is almost like an invitation for all those nasties concealed in Pandora’s Box to suddenly fly free and attack and that’s exactly what happened.

Our daughter was feeling sick and so she stayed home from school. Our son, who is notorious for being unable to find his shoes, was missing one shoe and saying he couldn’t go to school. What’s more, he was really starting to rev up with something of an Oscar- winning drama performance  and was refusing to look for the absent shoe  and was leaving me to do all the hard work, while throwing out incendiary devices such as: “You hate me!” Did I mention that he was still playing Minecraft through all of this? I was fuming!!! I was pulling out every trick in the book to get him to budge and eventually he moved. Found his shoe in a completely different room to where I’d found the other shoe and he was off to school. That drama was frustratingly stressful and very, very draining.

After a recharging cup of tea, the day was proceeding well and we were mentally psyching ourselves up for the big day.

That was until the phone rang. It was the school. I don’t like it when the school rings because they obviously never just call up for a social chit chat. There’s always a drama involved and while sometimes it’s simply a one Act play. More often than not, we’re talking the full four acts and an encore performance.

Mister had been hit on the head with a didgeridoo and wasn’t feeling well. Could I come and pick him up. What the @#$%?!!!! What were the chances?

It could only happen in Australia! Moreover, it could only happen to our son and at the most inconvenient moment. We specialise in statistically rare disasters in this house.

When you think about your child’s head doing battle with a didgeridoo,  being a hollowed out lump of wood, you don’t need much imagination to start seeing stars, concussion, a fractured skull, emergency brain surgery and,,,and…and…Oh yes! There’s also missing the signs of all of the above and we all know what that means.

I didn’t need to be thinking about taking our son of to Emergency with a suspected skull fracture not to mention bleeding on the brain the night before we’re taking our daughter off to hospital. I understand that parenting often involves a lot of multitasking but seriously this is all a bit much for even us to handle at once. We’re only human. Dear Lord, please remember that. We’re only made of flesh and blood and we can only take so much.

However, he refused to go to the doctor and perked up and went off to the cafe with my mum and Miss, while I went and had my blood test in preparation for my specialist appointment. Then I was off to my violin lesson and a talk at the high school. It was a very busy night…especially when, as I said, we just wanted peace..peace almost at any price!!

But this is my life we’re talking about and it is heavily influenced by Mrs Murphy’s Law. That’s right. Mrs Murphy says Murphy was an optimist.

Staying up way too late again writing on the blog, I was just getting out of my chair to go to bed when my good ankle crunched and I was in agony. Not as bad as when I broke my foot but certainly up there. I started to wonder what the chances were of breaking the 5th metatarsal on the left foot while the right foot was still healing? Then again, there’s odds and statistics and then there’s me.

My mother often says we were born underneath an unlucky star and as much as I try to prove her wrong, sometimes I succumb. Putting my good foot out of action the night before Miss goes to hospital…this was no conspiracy theory. Bad luck not only follows me. It eats me on toast. Not that I’m complaining or whingeing. The situation is what it is but as much as I have rotten luck, I’ve had so much experience fighting back and overcoming all this crap now, that I’ve developed a fight back routine which not only puts me back in the box seat. It also makes me better prepared for the next round.

So, after somehow getting through Wednesday, it was Thursday and we were off to Sydney to take Miss to hospital for the endoscopy.

By this stage, I’d all but decided our daughter has coeliac disease and I’ve been trying to get my head around becoming gluten-free. She has been very upset about the possibility of having to be gluten free and had a complete meltdown over never being able to eat party food again. These are big things for a kid and not easily dismissed with the usual Australian cop out: “she’ll be right, mate” and I didn’t try either.

Rather, I suggested that she try not to think about it too much and get busy doing something else and if she’s gluten free, we’ll deal with it then. I also reminded her that other people we know are gluten free and they still have yummy foods. It’s not the end of the world. Actually, coeliac’s disease can be quite serious but I didn’t want to stress that. From my experience, coming to terms with bad news is a bit like trying to eat an elephant. You’re best digesting it one mouthful at a time and not in one, painfully large gulp. This, of course, is the danger of Googling your symptoms and doing a selfie diagnosis. You can read the very worst cases and swallow too much information at once and even make yourself terminally ill!!

We are still waiting for the final results. So far they haven’t found signs of coeliac’s  but it seems her stomach may have delayed emptying. We’ll just have to wait and see, which I hope means whatever it is, it isn’t too severe.

Meanwhile, although I’m not superstitious but it’s Friday 13th today and of course the bad luck didn’t leave me alone. I might not have seen that wretched black cat cross my path but I know it was there. Otherwise, how would you account for yet another nasty fall this week and my right  foot back in the boot?

That’s right. The boot is back on the right foot.

Yes, I am feeling annoyed about it all and just because these falls are frequent, it doesn’t mean they don’t hurt even if I’m smiling. That I don’t need a hug or a bit of TLC. I might be strong but I’m still human and I bleed.

Do you have any experiences you would like  to share? Living with ongoing, resistant adversity isn’t easy though we triumph and inspire. If you are also traveling in this boat along with us, we send you our love, compassion and understanding. Take care!!

Love & Blessings,

Rowena

PS: BY the way, I just found out that it is ironically National Coeliac Awareness Week in Australia 13=20th March. See here for more information:

http://www.coeliac.org.au/

21 thoughts on “Diagnosis: A Rough Week!

  1. merrildsmith

    I couldn’t hit “Like” for this, but I do hope all is well with your daughter and that your foot/ankle is not too troubling (and your son’s head and everything else!!). Hugs and good thoughts for you and yours!

  2. Minuscule Moments

    Rowena I think you have had an unbelievably stressful week. I hope it will turn around now and you start to get answers and happier moments. I have been in the thick of it with my son’s challenges so I could resonate with you. I hope you now can say you were born under the strongest star of all, one that never loses its sparkle. Pass that thought onto your children and it will stick. Shine on through the mess of life and I know you will be okay because you are everything your kids need and more.

  3. roweeee Post author

    Thanks so much for turning our unlucky star into a strong star because we are strong and resilient even though we feel or appear weak at times. I have actually escaped for the weekend, which will be my next post. I’m currently at my parents’ place at Palm Beach on the Pittwater side just watching the water flow. The water is flat and very serene but always moving and going somewhere else, which always strikes me as a bit of a mystery. I caught the ferry over here with a group of 20 something party who I met at the wharf revellers who carried my bag on and off and just talked to me like one of their own, which was so incredibly healing and good. I felt like I met a group of angels. I had a sleep when I got here and I realised that I’d been screaming for the last few weeks or even longer…a silent scream and it has stopped. Or at least had intermission. I really needed to get out of the house with all it’s demands and the family and just be still. Have nothing around me but the landscape and I am feeling myself stretching out and reconstructing. I think you’ll get that.
    My kids have gone to various scout and cub camps for the weekend and my husband, bless his soul because he is probably more ragged than I, got called into work yesterday but is now watching the Grand Prix. Hope you are having a great weekend and I send you the love of an angel for your challenges with your son. I know the girl I met on the ferry had to be a heaven sent angel and we’ll be keeping in touch too, which I’m really looking forward to. Take care and lots of love, Ro

  4. roweeee Post author

    After sending my reply, I had a funny but interesting thought…bend and stretch reach for the stars. Here comes Jupiter. Here comes Mars…It’s a simply childhood rhyme but You can’t reach for the stars unless you stretch and speaking of myself here, when I’m being pummeled with “challenges”, you can tend to curl up and go into a defensive foetal position physically and or emotionally. Therefore, doing that stretching and growing back into yourself is so important. Otherwise, we risk shrinking in so many, many ways!

  5. Minuscule Moments

    Thats just what you needed I am going away to an art retreat in April with two of my amazing sisters. I have not been away from my kids for two nights and three days since I cannot remember. We mums forget to give ourselves some down time don’t we. So good to hear you had some Rowena.

  6. tlohuis

    Hi Rowena, so sorry your little girl is going through all of this at her age, or any age for that matter. I have delayed gastric emptying/Gastroparesis. This is why I have a feeding tube. Have you gotten the results yet? With Gastroparesis you can only take a few bites and the cramping, abdominal pain and bloating start. You probably already know everything I’ve said so far. As you know, I have several invisible chronic illnesses and continue to keep getting more. The scariest thing, in my opinion, is when they say, “I don’t know.” My abdomen, just above the feeding tube and across from side to side was so distended and you could just look at me and say OMG! That is exactly what everyone whose seen the picture has said. There is something very seriously wrong and they just don’t know. I’m always being told that I’m just a complicated, complex patient. And, that’s supposed to make me feel good because? That is scary. There’s definitely something wrong, but we don’t know, so you may now be dismissed. Not for your little girl, by any means, but for myself, I would much rather them tell me I have some horrible disease to just have a name for it and know I’ll be getting the proper treatment for it. It’s so frustrating. I’ll be praying for your little girl and your family. Would you please let me know when you find something out. If I keep reading your lovely blog, I would probably run into the answer, but you, like me have been blogging for quite some time and have a lot to read. I hope you got some answers and I hope the answers were not so bad answers. Hang in there. You’re a true warrior, as is your precious little girl. I can’t even imagine being 9 and going through stuff like we have. Prayers going up right now. Take care. I hope to hear from you soon. xx Tammy

  7. roweeee Post author

    Hi Tammy,
    Thank you so much for your heartfelt concern for my daughter and myself trying to unravel this thing. It seems that she has some degree of gastroparesis but you could’ve quoted the doctor. Apparently, as you would know, there’s nothing they can do for gastroparesis and so rather than do another definite test and I guess put her through more he’s recommended seeing a dietician. I’m going to get her her tested to see if her nutrition is sufficient, even though she is quite underweight and head basck to the paediatrician. The other concern is what is causing this and we have a family history of auto-immune disease, including type 1 diabetes. Apparently, diabetes can cause it?? I’ve just done my Google research.
    I can relate to you being the complex patient. I have dermatomyositis which occurs in 1 in 100,000 and it’s caused Institial Lung Disease. No matter where I go, I’m the exception. My mobility is somewhat challenged but when I go to events with Muscular Dystrophy Assoc. I am walking and looking relatively “normal”. It took 18 months to diagnose the DM and by theat time, I was very, very sick and so desperately frustrated. Yes, I know what it means to have a name. It also makes a huge difference when it comes to communicating with just about anybody else about your situation, which in my case, case become critical.
    I fear being perceived as the over-anxious mother but she is so thin that it is a concern. However, at the same time, she is very active and loves dance, scouting activities and the outdoors. She seems to have plenty of energy.
    These sort of contradictions do my head in. I’m sure you’re thinking…I know! I know!
    By the way, when I was looking for a diagnosis myself, I was advised to go to a university hospital where they are doing research and see rare cases. You’ll also find doctors who thrive on a challenge and the more complicated, the better. My professor loves me and he really thrives on a challenge…a medical detective.
    Please keep in touch xx Rowena

  8. tlohuis

    I’m sorry to now know that there’s a real possibility that your little girl has this horrendous disease. It is very common in diabetics. I’m not a diabetic, they have no idea why I have it, but I can tell you why. Auto immune disease. I think I told you that I have a feeding tube now and I had one back in 2010. I was so malnourished and dehydrated all the time and in and out of the hospital. My GI doctor at the time sent me straight from his office to the hospital and I was told that I had to have this feeding tube to save my life. I’m not trying to scare you, I’m trying to ease your mind that there’s always feeding tubes and I’m sure her doctor won’t let her get too bad. There was a girl that went to school with my kids that had gastroparesis and she would go into remission off and on, which is how it is for the typical gastroparesis patient, but I’m not typical about anything I have. If she can manage to eat 6 small meals a day, she’ll probably do okay. The dietician will tell you the gastroparesis diet. It’s difficult because it’s the opposite of what we’ve been told all our lives. No or very low fiber, nothing with seeds which means I can’t have strawberries or jalapeno peppers, I can’t remember. I have the JG peg feeding tube so I don’t have to remember. I’ve never been one that ever really enjoyed food anyway. don’t get me wrong I do wish I didn’t have to have this thing, so hopefully your daughter will have times of remission. You can ask me anything about it because I’m pretty much an expert on it.
    About going to a university hospital. Been there, done that. I wasn’t as lucky as you. I’ve been to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota and all they did was repeat all the tests I had already had done. It was a total waste of my time and money. I was there for 6 days and I had to stay at a hotel and my appointments were scattered all throughout the day, so it was back and forth in the shuttle, all day long. I live in Kansas, not far at all from the University of Kansas Medical Center, otherwise known as KU Med. Everyone went on and on that I needed to go there and I refused. After I came back from the Mayo Clinic I was so desperate to find a good GI doctor. I asked the doctor I was assigned to at Mayo if he could recommend a doctor in the KC area and he said all the good GI doctors used to be at KU and left and are now at the mayo clinic. Sure they are. I broke down and went to KU Med. and I got the rudest doctor I think I have ever seen in all my life. I am serious, now I’m not a violent person in any way shape or form, but I came pretty close to knocking this doctor out. She told me this is now my life and I will just have to live with it. There will be no more tests and I’m not going to change or add any medications to your already long list of meds. She said you can come back and see me all you want, but I’m not going to do anything. You don’t even know how very close I came to physically assaulting that so-called doctor. That was the end of KU Med for me. I now have a very good GI doctor, but like I said I just have so much wrong with me that I am a challenge for anyone and there are just certain things he cannot explain or knows what to do because it’s a combination of illnesses that is causing this. With the feeding tube, I can eat if I want, but it just makes me sick. I’m an odd one because I never throw up, I’m just nauseated all the time. I get so distended. No two cases are ever exactly alike just like with everything else. There are a few things they can do, but they probably can’t use on a child. There are motility medications. None of it has worked for me. I’m currently back on Domperidone. It’s not FDA approved in the U.S. I used to order it from Canada. It’s used everywhere else all over the world. However, there is one pharmacy here that makes it. It’s a compound. I’m not sure how they can do it if it’s not FDA approved, but oh well, that’s not my problem. They wanted to put me on Reglan and I refused for a long time. They wanted to put me on the antibiotic on a regular basis, Erythromycin (not sure how to spell it) I told them that that is one of the antibiotics that my stomach can’t handle. It was kind of getting to the point of like if you aren’t going to do what we recommend then why are you coming here in the first place. They didn’t say that, but I was about refusing everything and then I finally broke down and said I would try the Erythromycin just so it wouldn’t get to that point. The very first dose was my very last dose. It made me cramp worse than I already do and gave me diarrhea, of which I always have diarrhea or constipation, there is no normal there. When I was hospitalized one time they gave me Reglan and I did eventually start to twitch and that’s why I didn’t want to take it to start with because it can be permanent if you don’t stop right away. I really don’t know if this Domperidone is working or not. Nothing seems different. No better, no worse. I just got back on it, maybe it takes time to build up in your system. I just can’t remember.
    I’m sure glad you found your medical detective. I sure wish I could find one of those. Let’s definitely keep in touch and like I said, don’t hesitate to ask me anything about gastroparesis. It is very scary at first, but I’m now used to it, however, I’m an old lady. LOL I can’t even imagine being only 9 years old and going through this. I was also getting dehydrated all the time and still do because I can’t drink that much because it fills me up too quickly. Liquids empty the stomach much quicker than food. If you can make sure she’s not getting dehydrated that will be one less thing you have to worry about. Is she able to drink enough? Our bodies can go without food much longer than we can without water (fluids). So, if she can eat small amounts several times a day and get enough fluids in to stay hydrated. My doctor tells me to drink Powerade because of the electrolytes. I can’t even drink a one whole bottle in one day, most days. I sure hope she’s not in a lot of pain all the time and having all these other digestive problems. I do have what they refer to as severe gastroparesis. I wish you all the best. Don’t forget that I am here. If there’s any way I can help, I will. Have a good night.xx Tammy

  9. roweeee Post author

    Hi Tammy,
    Thanks so much. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your advice and support. You can read the medical descriptions and they did make sense but when you mentioned not drinking much water it was another lightbulb moment!! Gee, I wish I didn’t have them with rare nasty diseases and personal application!! I can relate to what you say about the “severe” side of things. My dermatomyositis is considered severe and life-threatening. I go in and out of remission and had 7 doses of a form of chemo called cyclaphosphamide at the start of last year. My brain still hasn’t returned to normal. I really tend to forget things!! They call that chemo brain. It looked like one of my friends had dermatomyositis and I felt for her knowing how it was for me but she didn’t end up being diagnosed in the end. I think she had a milder case. While tube feeding doesn’t sound good, I have a friend with muscular dystrophy who is tube fed and has been able to reintroduce some foods and recently had a trachy so she doesn’t have to wear as oxygen mask 24/7 and she inspires me with courage and the ability to overcome such adversity. She has designed her own tie-dye clothing range and she gets her carers to be her hands. She’s been doing her Duke of Edinburgh Award too. Here’s to an article about her: http://www.theherald.com.au/story/440260/the-hsc-self-pity-not-in-dictionary/
    I’m going to save your comments. It’s excellent advice and as much as it does obviously concern me, forewarned is forearmed. This at least gives you the illusion that you can slay the might beast…Ha! Hope you have a good night too. It’s raining here and the dogs are parked at my feet under my desk. Think they’ll be sleeping inside tonight.
    xx Rowena

  10. tlohuis

    Hi Rowena,
    It’s been a rough day. Long story. Tried to help a friend being the kind and caring person that I am, and in the long run my pain medications both came up short. I’ve been trying to talk to the nurse that’s at my doctor’s office to figure out how to get by with what I have as to not go into withdrawals or take too much of one. Big Mess because my doctor isn’t in today or Monday and the triage nurse said that the on call doctor doesn’t know me and this office prescribes very little pain medication. They send people to pain management clinics. been there, done that, and the doctor overdosed me on Suboxone. I told him I wanted to get off the Fentanyl patch and he gave me that and said it would ease the withdrawals. I had no idea that it is a drug similar to Methadone and more powerful than heroin. Anyway, I don’t need to bore you with all of that, but most of my day has been consumed with worrying about how I’m going to work with what I have and not get sick. I’m not asking for anymore, as I know you can’t get anymore. I should have gone with my gut when we left her apartment and was going to take my duffel bag with all my meds with us and she said it would be fine and that if she locked the bottom lock, her neighbor couldn’t get in. This was last Sunday. Just discovered this this morning. sigh……………………I am so upset right now. I’ll come back in a bit and click on the link and read the article. I can’t even think right now. Just wanted to respond and say hi and see how you and the little princess are doing today. I’ll get back with you soon. I’m trying to wrap my head around all of this. I now know why they always say to gut with your gut, your first instinct. I got it now. It will never happen again. My friend didn’t take it, it’s just that she tried to stick up for her and she’s only known her maybe a year, if that. We’ve been friends since first grade. Okay, enough ranting, you don’t need any more stress. I will get back with you soon. Enjoy the rest of your day.xx Tammy

  11. roweeee Post author

    Hi Tammy,
    I’m not the keep calm type so I suggest a big scream. Catharsis can be very therapeutic. I am a real believer in brain plasticity and the brain’s ability to develop new pathways. That said, it is equally capable of extending the good and the bad so you really have to watch out. I haven’t experienced severe physical pain for long periods and don’t know much about that but I’m with you and send you loads of hugs!Take care x Ro

  12. tlohuis

    Thank you, Rowena. If I scream right now, I might not stop. Sigh………..but, I would most definitely like to do just that. It is not easy to be calm for me either. I’m appearing calm on the outside and screaming on the inside and that will come back to bite me in the butt. I’m just about to go crazy. I’m not really sure how much more of this crap, and this crap I’m talking about is on top of all my pain and medical crap. I don’t need this right now. I will explain later. I’m just pretty numb right now. Thanks for always being here and all your hugs and support, right back attcha. I must attempt to sleep here real soon, so I will probably talk to you tomorrow and maybe I can tell you all about this lovely day! Now, those hugs are to be shared with your daughter. I hope you both had a “good” day. Goodnight. xx Tammy

  13. tlohuis

    Me, too! I hope you can do the same. I suffer from insomnia, too. And, I’m sure you know all too well what I mean when I say that when I do get even a little or a lot of sleep, I never feel rested. I’m always very fatigued. I gotta give it a try. Goodnight.xxxxTammy 🙂

  14. roweeee Post author

    The trip by myself to Palm Beach certainly helped. Am finding that it’s taking me awhile to detox but things are coming together. Hope things are going well for you! xx Rowena

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