That Hidden Piece of Me.

There’s a little piece of me,

which doesn’t feel at home.

Even in a crowd,

it can still feel quite alone.

No one seems

to know its name.

Or, that it exists.

So, I wonder if it ever left,

would this piece be missed?

 

xx Rowena

8th December, 2015

Re-reading this poem a few days later, I am quite conscious that on first impressions, it appears quite dark and melancholy.This is not entirely unusual for my poetry as I often write poetry as a way of venting my spleen or as a way of dealing with intense angst or frustration, like releasing a pressure valve.

However, while it initially appears quite melancholy, I hope it’s impact is paradoxically quite positive. That it actually connects a kaleidoscope of missing pieces who start to feel part of wider whole. A sense of: “Me too!” or “I’m not the only one!”

So many of us can be incredibly self-conscious about our various idiosyncrasies and yet even when we are the only one, there ares till other only ones out there we can connect with. We are not as alone as we believe or as weird, different…or even as talented!

Phew!

If you enjoyed this poem, you could well enjoy the book: The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein. Have you read it? I love his work.

Indeed, I just found this beautiful animated version. It’s just incredible! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mT0wKeJQvGk

xx Rowena.

 

 

which is quite a departure the more uplifting things I’ve written in the past from I can’t help wondering if everyone feels there is this part of themselves which doesn’t quite connect with the world? A part which is somehow awkward. Doesn’t fit in. Is a bit odd, skewiff or something?

I know I’m not alone is feeling like this at times.

I think for most of us, for whatever reason, there is this sense of disconnection and not belonging or quite fitting in. Sometimes, this can be a point of pride because we’re creative, an individual one-off? We’re not one of these photocopied clones…a Barbie or Ken!

Personally, I struggle with having what you could call an invisibility and straddling the worlds of chronic health and disability and because I appear fully mobile, I am expected to comply with all sorts of unwritten social norms, which can be quite difficult for me e.g. standing in long queues, walking on uneven ground.

Every now and then, however, I have met people who almost immediately see that hidden secret piece and I immediately feel whole, less fragmented, disjointed or even alienated. It is like diving deep into a healing spring and I can feel myself becoming whole again.

I personally find it important to talk about this hidden part of ourselves because I strongly believe, though without professional training, that if that piece doesn’t get nourished and doesn’t find kindred spirits, that we truly will struggle to be happy, healthy and grow into all we could become.

 

16 thoughts on “That Hidden Piece of Me.

  1. New Journey

    Good morning….great post my friend….I too have difficulties with the fact my arthritis is quite debilitating but to look at me, a strapping woman who looks healthy and able to tackle the world, but I am not, you can’t tell by looking….and I have a hard time with that….I feel guilty…..good post….Happy Holidays to you all…..Kat

  2. wallcat

    I think more people than we might realize are coping with something, but we’re all so very good at hiding behind masks. People say I’m particularly good at it and so when I’m unwell they often forget to take it into consideration. Yet I notice others getting more attention when they’re ill, perhaps because they’re not afraid to show it on the surface so much. I come from a fairly tough family that stays busy as a way of coping with things, so I guess that’s where I get it from.

    I can imagine how hard it would be to deal with this if you’re living with serious health issues on a regular basis. I know of a few people that struggle with certain social norms (like not being able to eat or drink certain things), and for some reason choosing to opt out seems to bother some folk. I always like to take it into account with them because I know how frustrating that can be. It’s a case of not taking people for face value, and to also talk about it more – as you suggested.

    I like the sentiment behind the poem, I’m sure many people could related to that.

  3. roweeee Post author

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I really like what you write about not taking people at face value. That’s a very compassionate and more understanding approach. I try to remind myself of this, which isn’t always easy even for me because our brain puts so much weight on what we see. A friend of mine has Motor Neurone Disease and even with my own experiences, I see her smiling on Facebook and that subconsciously undoes what I know to be true. That said, she also has an incredibly positive attitude as is thankful. Within her diagnosis, there have been people worse off and I guess that acts as a reminder that even in your bad luck, you can be lucky. Not so good when you draw the double short straw though xx Rowena

  4. roweeee Post author

    I’d imagine your arthritis could be like my dermatomyositis. I have days where I seize up a bit and have to take things easy. Have overdone it lately and seized up today. Done to 8mg of pred so not quite so sprightly now.
    I have a documentary on Hawaii on at the moment. Go and check out the Happy Faced spider. It’s really cute . Hope you are going well xx Ro

  5. New Journey

    Hello….I would have to say your correct with the exception that you have to take medication stronger than I do at this point….I live on Advil and sodium docusate…..and yes I am always over doing it…sieze up is a good work for it, my hands and joints swell and then make living difficult…today I can’t seem to make a fist with either hand….soaking them in hot water helps, but I have a feeling it was from something I ate that had to much salt in it….nice huh!!! Sorry your not feeling well….saw the post on Facebook…your daughter is extremely smart and I am so happy she is getting the chance to go to school that will challenge her mind…my daughter was part of a GATE program here around the same age…she enjoyed the class her biggest problem was with the other kids….they seemed to take on the righteous attitude because they were in a special program…..she only stayed in it 2 years and then went back into regular classes at her choice…I hope all goes well for her, that’s quite a commute…I used to have to ride a school bus 45 minutes on way to school every day and that was after out parents drove 11 miles to the bus stop one way….so in reality I did it for several years…you just learn to get stuff done on the bus or sleep..LOL Happy holidays my friend. any exciting plans..???? xxkat

  6. roweeee Post author

    Hi Kat,
    Going into Winter would be a good time of year for you but I hope you feel better somehow. My daughter performs better in external tests and exams so hasn’t had that sense of being better, although she did mention that some of the kids in her class are struggling to read at all so there is some awareness and she’s also said she’s bored. I’m pretty sure she’ll love this new class. It’s really helpful to get feedback from other parents. Make more informed decisions.
    In terms of exciting plans, right now sleep looks uber-exciting. We have carols tonight and I have 2 trips down to Sydney for medical appts. Just routine stuff. Were planning to go to Tasmania but it’s not coming together. Happy Holidays to you too! xx Ro

  7. New Journey

    Hello….My daughter said the same thing, she was bored….so important to keep the challenge there for them…your little one is very much an extrovert, loving her singing, and performing….my daughter is an introvert….definitely 2 different creatures….LOL in the end all we can do is offer them the best we can give and let them take the lead….I am happy that she will be offered this opportunity….I love the winter months, but my body has given into the disease of old age…LOL so winter in the desert sun will be wonderful…when does she start her new school? Happy holidays to you my friend….xxkat

  8. wallcat

    Some people are truly inspiring and find joy even with the worst of luck. I wish I could live my life more this way, but even the smallest things can unsettle me. It’s hard not to make assumptions. I think our brains are wired in such a way that it’d be too idealistic to expect people to never make mistakes in this way. What matters more is our intention and trying out best.

  9. roweeee Post author

    Thanks, Kath. If you can get hold of any of Shel Silverstein’s books, I think you’d love them. He wrote a great classic called “The Giving Tree”…an illustrated kids book. I love it and went seeking out his others works.
    I relate to what you say about the lion and the mouse thing.

  10. roweeee Post author

    I don’t know if you have read much about resilience but it’s that ability to bounce back when things go wrong. I’ve bounced back from so many health scares now that I almost feel indestructible. I used to be a very fearful person. I’m quite outgoing but I am not a confident driver for example. I have also become aware of how my mother and her mother before her turned something bad into a real drama but it might not be as bad as it first appears. Usually, my imagination is so vivid that nothing ever turns out as bad as I’d thought.

  11. wallcat

    I am a very fearful person and struggle with anxiety, which is why I find it harder to deal with new situations. Things never usually are as bad as our thoughts make it out to be though. I keep reminding myself of that when my imagination is running wild about all of the things that could go wrong. I’ve noticed it in my mum as well, she worries and gets stressed a lot. I guess this is where we pick it up from.

    I think one of the key things to coping is being able to accept your situation, instead of constantly wishing things were different. Sometimes we just have to make the most out of what we have.

  12. roweeee Post author

    Being content is definitely important but there is a surprising amount we can do to modify our situation. I grew up believing that my “self” was set in stone. However, our brain is plastic, meaning we can change things. That doesn’t mean we can write a wish list and create a perfect self but it does mean that we might be able to tweak things through diligent repetition….or, especially in terms of anxiety, slowing down or stopping those repetitive thoughts. I have managed to learn to play the violin and ski despite some significant health and mobility issues by starting out small and keeping it up. Neither was easy but I improved well beyond what I ever thought possible. That said, my auto-immune disease is something I have to live with. It is currently in remission but I have to accept that. However, there’s a lot I can do to give myself a better chance of beating it. I hope that helps xx Rowena

  13. wallcat

    It does help a lot. It’s dangerous to fall into despair, believing that there is absolutely nothing we can do. It’s like the difference between believing that your life is guided by fate or through your own decisions. It can sometimes be more beneficial to believe we have some level of control. Even if we can only take very small actions, knowing that we’re doing something gives us hope. I’d love to be able to play the violin and I’ve never even tried skiing, sounds like you’re filling your life with amazing things. I hope everything continues to go well for you.

  14. roweeee Post author

    Thank you very much, Candy. If the linky is still open I think I’ll post it on there. I had already posted twice and thought I’d wait a bit and forgot to go back. I had a chat a cousin on Christmas Day and was reminded how important it is to share these feelings and also our mistakes, weaknesses and imperfections so that those around us and growing up behind us, don’t feel they can’t measure up. They don’t usually know about the mistakes made by their elders and how they got through.

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