Dog Claims Drop Bears Ate Missing Boy!

Saturday 9th June, 2016.

SYDNEY.

News has just been received that Bilbo, a distraught Border Collie, has reported a boy he calls “his brother” missing.

Bilbo states that the boy, who has been missing since Saturday 2nd January, has been eaten by Drop Bears. He has grave concerns for the boy’s safety.

DSC_9124

Last Seen.

When investigators interviewed Bilbo, he said there was nothing left of the boy and that the Drop Bears have even painted his bedroom to cover up and contaminate forensic evidence.

Bilbo said: “Only the vicious Drop Bear is capable devouring its victims whole like this. They’re a savage beast and fall out of trees silently attacking their prey without warning.”

Bilbo walking Dark Gully

Bilbo out searching for the missing boy.

Bilbo said: “There’s a tree outside the boy’s room. This is how the Drop Bear snuck in and disappeared without being spotted.”

Drop Bears (Thylarctos plummetus ) are around the size of a leopard or very large dog with coarse orange fur with some darker mottled patterning (as seen in most Koalas). It is a heavily built animal with powerful forearms for climbing and holding on to prey. It lacks canines, using broad powerful premolars as biting tools instead. – See more at: http://australianmuseum.net.au/drop-bear#sthash.kbhxOHhg.dpuf

Although actually sightings of Drop Bears are extremely rare, the Australian Museum’s web site explains that are very adept hunters:

“Drop Bears hunt by ambushing ground dwelling animals from above, waiting up to as much as four hours to make a surprise kill. Once prey is within view, the Drop Bear will drop as much as eight metres to pounce on top of the unsuspecting victim. The initial impact often stuns the prey, allowing it to be bitten on the neck and quickly subdued.

If the prey is small enough Drop Bears will haul it back up the tree to feed without harassment from other predators. (See more at: http://australianmuseum.net.au/drop-bear#sthash.kbhxOHhg.dpuf)

Police have checked local CCTV footage and no signs of the boy have been found.

“It’s a real mystery,” said Sergeant Plod of Beach Village. “This is the first talk we’ve had of Drop Bears in the area and we are taking this threat extremely seriously, particularly since the reported sighting in Brisbane.

We advise all local residents to keep their house locked at all times and not to leave any windows open. Keep pets inside and out of harm’s way as well. When it comes to Drop Bears, your much loved pets are nothing but a snack.

If anyone sees a Drop Bear, do not approach. They are extremely dangerous. I repeat….DO NOT APPROACH. Instead call Drop Bear Stoppers immediately.” Sergeant Plod said.

We are thinking of the boy’s family and pray for his safe return.

PS Mister has been at the Australian Jamboree during this time. His troop is called the Drop Bears and they are having an incredible time. Geoff and Miss caught up with him today. He’s very tired but still smiling and having the time of his life! Stay tuned.

12 thoughts on “Dog Claims Drop Bears Ate Missing Boy!

  1. Midwestern Plant Girl

    OMG you crack me up!
    This was a hilarious article, I loved reading it. Glad you gave the link to what a ‘drop bear’ is. Nothing like that here 😉 We have ‘big foot’ here, but they generally don’t eat children.
    Great reporting! Hahaha!

  2. Deb

    Ok. You got me! I haven’t followed you long enough to not take this seriously! Goodness!! Give a lady a jolt why don’t ya? 😊

  3. Tails Around the Ranch

    Your post made me smile-when I was a wee girl in Germany, one vivid memory I had was a Koala climbed on my shoulder at the zoo. As I recall though, his fur was not nearly as soft as one would expect, but what an excellent kid adventure to have (much like your Mister no doubt). 😉

  4. Ralph

    This is why I worry about Australia! My Humans keep mentioning these evil Drop Bears when ever we have our German or American friends over too… Never mentioned when our Aussie friends come over though, just saying…

    R

  5. Norah

    So pleased your hilarious story had a happy ending. Glad the boy is enjoying his jamboree and won’t feel too blue when he returns home. Imagine calling his troop the Drop Bears! What other names did they come up with?

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