The Masked Intruder.

You creep…
a foul, odorous gas
permeating
my each and every cell,
even creeping in between
the fibres of my bones.
Splitting my very atoms
to build your sovereign shrine
within each cell…
a nest to lay your poisonous eggs.

Catastrophization turned real,
blasted invader!
You can’t even leave
the smallest little part of me
alone.
Penetrating deep within my DNA,
you lurk beyond the microscope.
No one else can see you
but I know that you’re there.
A Machiavellian villain
purring like a cat
toying with its prey,
you enjoy my pain
and laugh.
You bastard!

What am I supposed
to call you?
How can I figure out
quite who or what you are?
You might have a name.
Be something out of a textbook.
Of course, Google knows
exactly who you are.
Yet, even they can’t explain
why you came.
Or,why you came to me.
After all,
why didn’t you go next door?
Find someone else to be
your magnificent host?
I’m not going to blame
my God of love
for all your hate…
my pain.

Yet,
the earth has turned
round and round
and I still don’t know
why you came.
I didn’t offer you tea,
let alone cake.
Yet, you stayed.
Now, you are I are bound
together as one.
I am the bride.
You are the groom.
A forced union,
I had no say in it.
No say in it at all.
I never vowed a thing.

So,
how can I break through
the chains which bind us?
Bind us together as one.
Until death do us part.
There is no divorce.
No escape.
We are fused.
Melted together.
This is forever.

Or,
So I thought.

Suddenly,
You were gone.

Your ring’s still on my finger
but your hands are no longer
wrapped around my throat,
squeezing out my very last breath
until my face turns blue, corpse-grey
while you somehow kept me alive
but only just.

Dare I ask you why you left?
Or, if you’ll return?
No. There’s no time to stop,
reflect or introspect.
I’ve changed all the locks.
Carpe diem seize the day.
I’ve finally reached
the other side of the rainbow,
basking alone in the sun
where even your shadow is gone.

I live inspite of you
but maybe even
because.

Rowena Newton
3rd February, 2016.

Written on the train to and from a dentist appointment at Kirribilli. I was fuming because it seemed that the dermatomysitis had affected my teeth. Not hugely but was playing silly buggers. Grrr!!! It set off yet another round of cannonfire.

 

12 thoughts on “The Masked Intruder.

  1. Pingback: Wrestling With Adversity. | beyondtheflow

  2. roweeee Post author

    Very much so. I hate the uncertainty and unpredictability but I must say, I surprised I’m still here so I am very thankful.
    Thanks for your encouraging words. xx Rowena

  3. roweeee Post author

    Thank you very much, Geoff. This could indeed me my problem. I don’t really get angry. I should possibility get a bit more worked up and then perhaps the little people might get on with things a little more!
    My poetry has often had a very dark element. My grandmother used to say that she looked forward to reading my poetry when I fell in love and met the one. Unrequited love does nasty things to poets…just ask Keats! xx Ro

  4. Norah

    Thanks for sharing this very personal and emotive poem, Rowena. I think it helps me understand a little more of what you are experiencing. My heart goes out to you. My daughter has just been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and I can see that there will be unknowns in her future also. Your frustration with your illness and its meanness in choosing you by chance comes across with much clarity in your poem. I’m sure it would be very helpful to others who are feeling similar things but struggling to express themselves so clearly, especially on the bad days. Take care. I hope he stays disappeared for a good while now. 🙂

  5. Pingback: More Caffeine Required! | beyondtheflow

  6. New Journey

    Bummer….I was so hoping it was a quick fix for you…..glad you were able to express your anger in words…I am hoping it help cleanse your pain……XXXXXXXkat

  7. roweeee Post author

    Health is pretty much fine. Legs a bit tired and I’m getting a blood test to check but it was a big walk yesterday. I don’t vent very often and it all came together in that poem. I was really pleased with it as it’s not easy to express all that complexity! xx Ro

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