Never Give Up!

Yesterday, I almost cried with joy…relief. It was a true Eureka Moment moment. Just like you can strangely sink into a pit of despair over that proverbial glass of spilled milk, I found myself close to tears of pure joy, just by having my carpet cleaned. The “new” carpet wasn’t perfect, and still has its battle scars (mostly thanks to the fish tank). Yet, the metamorphosis was UNBELIEVABLE!!

We have wrestled for years about whether to get the carpet cleaned, or replace it. While replacing it seemed the obvious choice, we couldn’t agree on what to replace it with. So, its been  lingering on life support for eternity.  It’s only thanks to the funding I’ve received through the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS), that this became possible. That’s largely because I didn’ need to think about it. I could just do it. “Have a Nike moment”. Well, to be honest it took a lot more than just a Nike moment. It took a hell of a lot of work to “be prepared”, and that could only happen because the dermatomyositis is in remission and I have this NDIS funding.

DSC_6360

Now that the carpet’s returned from the dead, I have a glimmer of hope that the rest of our house isn’t dead after all. As they say, success breeds success, even when it comes to something as small and seemingly insignificant as the carpet. Slowly but surely, I’m getting my dignity back…and not just in relation to the state of the house, but I’m also feeling the cogs moving much more smoothly within.

Being something of a lounge chair philosopher, this brings me back to something I’ve considered before:

Is your house is a reflection of your soul, who you are as a person or your state of mind? Or, does it stand alone?

Naturally, it would make logical sense that whatever “stuff” is going on in your household or your life, that your house would become some kind of mirror or reflection. However, that can work both ways. Some people seem to throw themselves head long into maintaining the fascade during a crisis, seemingly to hold up the crumbling interior. For us , that hasn’t been an option. I’ve been sick for way too long and even the support crew’s had it. So, at our place, the house and garden have also cracked…along with the mirror.

However, is this crumpled wreck of my self or the accompanying shell, the real me, especially when I’m not living alone? After all, a family home is a family home, a canvas each of us paints and even when we live alone, a house isn’t a blank canvas. There are functional, financial and cultural considerations which reign our vision in. Most of us can’t just splat our real selves everywhere. Or, at least shouldn’t!

 

The photo on the left shows me having a transfusion of IVIG. I had these every 3 weeks for five years until my treatment regime crashed with a flare and I had chemo. In the photo on the right, I’m playing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata after a chemo treatment. 

Yet, strangely we are resurrecting. I’ve been in remission for 3.5 years. Moreover, about four months ago, I was approved for our National Disability Insurance Scheme and any looking back has only been to celebrate my onwards and upwards progress. Well, that’s aside from my usual bout of severe chest infections, and the operatic cough which hails from the dark side of Hades. Indeed, I’ve been wrestling with all sorts of horrors lately as I’ve barked my way along some grueling, grim tributory of the River Styx filled, which is populated by all sorts of ghoulish spectors and shadows. Just picture the grim reaper, and I definitely believe he’s been stalking me for the last four weeks. However, I’ve become a seasoned veteran of the battle, and his attacks are not as severe as they once were.

 

Anyway, under the NDIS, I’ve been able to get extensive help at home and we’re steadily chipping away at years of neglect, struggle and the too hard basket, which has been overflowing with so much rubble that it’s toppled over.

So, you could just imagine my relief, my exuberarant joy and tears, when I said: “Hello carpet” yesterday.

It was also: “Hello sky”, because I also had the windows cleaned and much to our amazement, they’re clear. My daughter even joked this morning, that the magpie might fly into the glass and hit it.

The state of the windows was just another thing I’d switched off to. I know people do get their windows professionally cleaned, but this was out of our league and in terms of DIY, we’ve been struggling to put one foot in front of the other before NDIS. Windows, to me, is a computer thingy.

So, even though I’ve missed my usual contribution to the Weekend Coffee Share this week, I’d love to invite you round for coffee right this minute. That is, while the windows and carpet are in a blissful state of suspended animation, and you can actually see the floor. I know it won’t take long for trouble to return. We’re moving into Spring here and we have a little black dog who covers our carpet in a layer of felt. We also have two kids and my husband and I are also human.

In other words, we live in the real world…not Facebook or a magazine.

Have you experienced anything like this lately? Something you would call a “Eureka Moment” which has almost had you jumping out of the bath and running naked through the streets like  Archemedes? If so, I’d love to hear it and these stories are so encouraging to people in the thick of the storm, who doubt there’s any way out.

dog in the storm

Stupid me actually drove into this storm in search of “the shot”. I ran to my car which became my “tin can”, while hail the size of a golf ball pummelled the car. Even the sound alone, was terrifying.

On the other hand, if you’re currently feeling trapped in the thick of the storm, know you are not alone. A lot of people have been there or are there right now, and are only too willing to hold your hand either figuratively or in person. I would encourage you to hook up with some people sharing your experience, especially veterans and survivors of your particular battle. I know I’ve certainly found a lot of comfort with “my colleagues”, my “fellow travellers” in the same boat.

Take care and don’t forget to count and even search out your blessings. There’s always something, no matter how small. Or, perhaps it’s so big, you’ve only seen its feet.

Love & best wishes,

Rowena

Rowena sun

Here I am at Railway Park, Byron Bay. The artwork was done by a mum whose son died in the park from an overdose of prescription drugs. She undertook this art in the park project to help save others.

 

10 thoughts on “Never Give Up!

  1. Tails Around the Ranch

    My motto is ‘everyday is a good day…some are just better than others.’ Congrats on the award and for putting it to good use. Always feels great when you can look around and actually see a shine on the ole homestead. 😍

  2. maxwellthedog

    Have you experienced anything…which has almost had you jumping out of the bath and running naked through the streets like Archemedes?

    Well, I did receive a 20% off coupon redeemable at BevMo, our local beer store. Perhaps not as exciting as fresh carpet and clean windows but it did have me doing my happy dance, which is not something you want to see.

    Seriously, great to hear you’re feeling more perky and upbeat. Hope all is forever upward and onward with health matters for you and your lovely family.

  3. New Journey

    Well hello sister….you sound so much like your ole self…..how wonderful that your getting the help you so deserve…you look like a million bucks….so happy to see your beautiful smiling face….glad your feeling some of the weight of the world off your shoulders….housework has never been my “happy place” I didn’t even know we should clean the windows…LOL just kidding, I was the kind of mum that let the kids finger draw all over the steamed up windows…always brought me a smile when I saw the squiqqley lines on the windows all dried. I will be over and we can sit in the living room and enjoy the beauty of your home…so happy for you…..XXXXXkat

  4. Rowena Post author

    Hi Kat, Love your messages so much. They also make me feel so special and I hope I do the same for you.
    Well, you know I inhabit the lunatic fringe. Well, tonight I’m off on a clandestine mission to pick up 2 x Border Collie x Kelpie pups from the car park of a pet shop about 30 mins drive away and we’ll be fostering them. Well, we’ll see about thatb because we do have an empty kennell and a still vacant hole in our hearts since Bilbo passed. As you would’ve seen on the the blog, my friend is a volunteer for these people and I’ve had such fun with her pups that I’m giving it a go. I know parting with them might be a problem but this is sort of being like a puppy sleeze. You can try but you don’t need to buy!!
    Meanwhile, our local radio station has been running a guessing competition where you win $20,000. I hadn’t bothered looking into it because I just assumed people had already done a good Google search and people keep ringing in with the same guesses. However, I got onto Google today and found something that wasn’t there. Getting through on the phone is brutal but perhaps Lady Luck might shine on me and I have said a few prayers. So now, I’m going to be chained to the radio this afternoon. Wish me luck.
    Stay tuned. xx Ro

  5. New Journey

    First I send you luck….wouldn’t that be fun to win 20 grand !! What fun to foster puppies, I can’t wait to see some pictures. My husband has finally started to come around to the thought of getting another border. I have found one, named Gracie in California, but he’s not quite there yet…I like living on the lunatic fringe side of life, keeps things interesting. LOL You make me feel like I have a good friend in the world…you are on my bucket list, one day I may show up on your doorstep….LOL I hope life is treating you well, I know it is you have puppies….LOL As we go into fall, your heading into spring… I can’t wait for the cooler weather. Have a great day….XXkat

  6. RahulYuvi

    Wonderful post..but by the title, I didn’t expect it to be inspired by a Carpet 🙂 🙂 ..anyways , I 100 % belive in the title..No matter what,just never give up..Sometimes, you think you have been buried when actually you have been planted .This I learnt after having won over a chronic disease after years of struggle..Here’s the story (Not a sad one I promise 🙂 ) https://the-passport-souls.travel.blog/2017/09/04/how-i-tamed-a-monster-called-vitiligo-just-never-give-up/

  7. Rowena Post author

    Thank you so much for your encouragement, Rahul. I needed a bit of that today. Been fighting a nasty cough for several months now and it’s been getting me down, especially as it’s the Summer school holidays here and I’m struggling to get off the tarmac. I bought myself a copy of Australian Vogue for the first time ever today, because I felt a need for a bit of glamour. I needed to rise out of the ashes of this cough and become a flower. Reach towards the sun.
    I really appreciated what you wrote about feeling buried, when you’ve actually been planted. I had a similar vision a few years ago myself of a bird swallowing the seed and the seed thinking all is lost, but then the bird poops and a new life begins. This seeming death transforms into the excitement of birth.
    Take care and best wishes,
    Rowena

  8. RahulYuvi

    Things will only turn better from here on Rowena ! Please Let me know if I can be of any help..Meditation/spirituality is something I can probably help you a little with if you wish to.

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