Sunset in Montreal…Friday Fictioneers.

The end came, stabbing her in the heart. Grabbing her by the throat, until she flopped lifeless on the floor. No discussion. No argument. Not even a raised voice. All he left was a text:”It’s over”. Blew their marriage up like a bomb. No regrets.

Death would’ve been hard, but there would’ve been a post mortum. Something concrete. Anguish, tears and questioning. Yet, without a body, there was just an anguished, endless void, and no one to yell at.

Kate wasn’t above murder, revenge, a crime of passion. Yet, she preferred the road less travelled.

Roger was the perfect weapon…

…..

100 words.

This has been another contribution to Friday Fictioneers hosted by Rochelle Wishoff Fields. Thanks PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson

Unfortunately, this effort didn’t hit the mark and I’m still trying to work out how to salvage it. In the meantime, I had another go at it: An Unpredictable End

Best wishes and thanks for all your constructive feedback.

Rowena

29 thoughts on “Sunset in Montreal…Friday Fictioneers.

  1. michael1148humphris

    The mental anguish of a unexpected marriage breakdown came across, I guess Rodger will be her new toy boy.

  2. pennygadd51

    I think the difficulty with this story is that you’ve tried to use death metaphorically to convey the intensity of the emotions involved, but you’ve not differentiated sufficiently between physical reality and metaphor. That’s left me baffled as to what’s going on, I’m afraid.

  3. Rowena Post author

    Hi Penny,
    Thanks for your feedback. I’m going to go back and revisit the original take after reading your feedback, and in the meantime, I ended up writing a new variation which I’ve posted separately. I was using those graphic, physical symptoms to describe her grief and agree that I need to clarify things better. I’d appreciate your feedback on my second effort please.
    By the way, it is Winter here and our homes aren’t built for the cold and I really shouldn’t need to be putting on the heater and yet my fingers are frozen. It’s rather tricky trying to type with lumps of ice.
    Hope you are having a great week.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

  4. Rowena Post author

    Yes, I as trying to think of where to take this. How do you recover from such a devastating hit? I remember a bit of advice from my single days: “If you can’t have the one you love, love the one you’re with. If you can’t love the one you’re with, turn out the light.”
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

  5. Rowena Post author

    I think I might’ve been thinking of 007. I trying to fix this one up a bit and ended up posting a second attempt. I think the first one fell victim to trying to tell a longer strong within the 100 word limit. Here’s the link. I’d be interested in your feedback.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

  6. michael1148humphris

    Rowena I often find after posting a piece of flash that was created to a weeks deadline. That a piece which seemed not to work as I intended, can redevelope into something special as I respond to the comments. Hope your fingers are warmer, the winter sounds painfull there

  7. Rowena Post author

    Thanks for the encouragement, Michael. I do intend coming back to it.
    The cold isn’t too bad. It’s midnight now and 14 degrees celsius. It’s more our reaction to it. The cold is an Australians kryptonite. Hope you have a great week.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

  8. StuHN

    I’m assuming Roger was the reason for the hubster text. Since she was not above murder…Roger, good scapegoat.

  9. Rowena Post author

    Roger was a momentary lapse of judgement, who has been superseded with facing the music head on.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

  10. Rowena Post author

    It never actually occured to me that Roger might’ve been the cause of the husband’s so I might need to have a bit of a chat with my heroine. Sounds like she’s been keeping secrets.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

  11. Dale

    I got the emotional death caused by receiving such a text (chicken-shit husband not able to do it in person)
    I am of the type to say… your loss and move on. However, this Roger fellow may be her way of getting even… whomever he is)

  12. jillyfunnell

    Dumped by text – what a rat. I really enjoyed your description of her “death” which is actually the death of her marriage. I imagine Roger is the lover but, you know what, the trouble is her ex sounds like a selfish person who won’t care anyway.

  13. Rowena Post author

    It’s very tempting to paint her ex as all villain, but if I turned it into a longer piece, I’d like to create just a little bit of doubt. It was even suggested that she might’ve already been carrying on with Roger and hence the text. The intrigue is definitely building.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

  14. Léa

    With all the summers I spent in Western Canada, I am sorry I never got to the east… Say hello for me. Canada holds some lovely memories.

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