Becoming An Instant “Grandmother”…

Yesterday, we welcomed home the new baby. Well, baby doll to be precise. She’s not real which is fairly evident from the photos. However, at the same time, she’s not your standard doll either. She’s what’s known as a baby simulation doll and she is manufactured by RealCare Baby. My daughter is studying Child Studies at school and the “babies” were sent home for two days as an assignment. The dolls come with a pseudo bottle, two nappies and the student wears a wristband to log on every time they care for the baby. The doll also also has computer technology onboard which reports back to base how the baby was treated, especially if the baby was dropped or shaken and the baby will emit loud cries if the head isn’t supported properly. A friend of mine told me she accidentally dropped her daughter’s baby doll a few years ago, and her daughter failed. So, evidently, the are a few pitfalls and I don’t want to be the weakest link.

Naturally, I was fairly curious. I was also rather excited about the whole project, but was also wondering whether this thing was going to keep us awake all night. After all, newborns are synonymous with sleepless nights. I remember them well. I’ve also seen these dolls on TV before, as they’ve been used fairly extensively in sex education classes to prevent teenage pregnancies. The theory goes that if the teens know how difficult a baby can be, they’ll be more careful. However, research suggests that the students who had the dolls were actually more likely to experience a teen pregnancy.

Our elderly neighbours gave us two of these sheepskin bears when our son was born – two in case we lost one or needed to put it through the wash. Their grandchildren had really loved them.

Although the baby would only be staying for a few days, she still needed a name. Miss decided to call her McKinley. I thought she’d told me the doll was Indigenous American and decided to give her a name of my own…Tallulah, which comes from the Choctaw people and means leaping water. My cousins also have a restaurant in Newcastle called Tallulah. However, as it turned out, Tallulah was African-American. However, I only found that out after she’d gone.

Anyway, enough about names. Let’s get on with the doll. Whoops! I mean, baby.

The thing that’s struck me most personally, is how she latches onto your heartstrings. She feels so incredibly real, and yet not (if that makes any sense). Unlike a standard doll made of hollow plastic, Tallulah is weighted and feels surprisingly heavy. Indeed, she weighs around 3 kilos or 6.5 – 7 pounds, which is about the average weight of a new born baby. So, there was a lot of familiarity, and I really felt something rekindle within, which surprised me.

While I’m not going to comment on how Miss went with her assignment, I did get the opportunity to see how a few others responded to Tallulah, and see that she also elicited an emotional response from them both at the local shops with me and also when she made a guest appearance during my Zoom Bible study group.

Starting with the local shops, I had to take Tallulah down to the dance studio to pick up Miss. This was a bit of an exercise and normally, a baby would travel in a capsule, but Tallulah didn’t come with one. So, I just strapped her into the car seat and hoped she didn’t attract attention. To compound matters, I couldn’t get a park out the front and I couldn’t leave Tallulah in the car in case she woke up and needed attention. Consequently, as a 50 something woman, I was left walking down the street carrying a baby doll.

It was very interesting to see how people responded to Tallulah. I could see drivers being extra careful when when I was walking across the pedestrian crossing. They definitely registered “baby” and altered their demeanor. After all, they wouldn’t be expecting me to be carrying a doll around.

I loved the way she put her little arm up like this just like our kids had done.

Then, I had a further opportunity to gauge the reactions of others during my zoom Bible study tonight. The doll was supposed to be turned off while Miss was at dance. However, Tallulah woke up screaming with 15 minutes to go. I abandoned Zoom and ditched my headphones racing to Miss’s room as though Tallulah’s life depended upon me. I managed to find everything I needed to settle her down again except the logging on device. So, I returned to my zoom with a screaming baby the group knew nothing about. The instant they saw her, there was an immediate emotional response, and I even sensed a touch of joy. They didn’t know what was going on at the time, and Tallulah looked real enough, and they wouldn’t have been expecting a fake baby who was my daughter’s homework. They were just humans reacting to what they thought was a real baby.

Even Rosie took an interest in Tallulah, but not without close supervision!!

So, it seems I wasn’t the only one who had an emotional response to Tallulah, and it’s interesting to consider that this baby simulator can stimulate these very emotional (and probably innate) responses when it’s just a piece of plastic. I don’t consider myself particularly into babies and young children and tend to prefer older children. So, the fact this doll (let’s call her by her name – Tallulah) drew me in, says a lot although I wouldn’t say that I love Tallulah. Also, as far as babies go, she was pretty easy going.

This raises an interesting point. If these dolls establish an emotional connection with their carers, are they really an effective deterrent when it comes to teen pregnancies? Could they in fact be encouraging them to want their own real baby instead? On the other hand, they do get a feel for how time consuming a baby can be and unlike Tallulah, they can’t just be switched off while they’re at school or in a dance class.

Anyway, I had a bit of fun being grandma and taking a few photos. While most of our kids’ toys are stored away in our roof, I did manage to find a sheepskin teddy bear which our elderly neighbours gave her. I also found a sheepskin a school friend had given me. She’d used it for her daughters and we used it when Mister was born. Indeed, I’m going to check whether my friend’s daughter has had a baby yet. She might be wanting it back.

While I’ve mainly focused on the upside of having the doll here, I have a few concerns. Firstly, I’m not supportive of the one student having sole responsibility for the doll/baby and there should be capacity for family members to help. After all, we keep saying it takes a village to raise a child, but then putting all responsibility back onto the mother and there are also some quarters who also complain about the declining birth rate. In many ways, it’s good experience for all of us to have experience of a screaming doll-baby who won’t stop crying before we have our own so we have realistic expectations of parenthood. I don’t know whether there is a debriefing process in place when students return the dolls/babies. However, failing could hit a some people fairly hard and while they might be wanting to prevent teen pregnancies, the aim is not to turn young people off having children altogether. It would have been hard for probably all of us as new parents to have been scrutinised like these students caring for our own children We all made mistakes. All had times we struggled to cope. Yet, an important aspect of this program which goes a bit more under the radar is the importance of not shaking your baby and it does raise awareness of these dangers to young people. So, these dolls are not just about sex education, but also give some insights into how to care well for your baby and what will be involved.

Have you or your family had any experience of baby simulation dolls? I’d be interested to hear from you!

Best wishes,

Rowena

9 thoughts on “Becoming An Instant “Grandmother”…

  1. Gary A Wilson

    Wow.
    We have no experience with them in our family (recall that we home schooled them K->HS) but your reactions all sound like I would expect and I wondered about the family helping out feature because that is huge.
    I don’t subscribe to the quip of it takes a village because most villages have too many opinionated nut-balls walking about loose whose values I don’t want passed on to the next generation so I offer “it takes a family to raise a child”
    Great read Rowena!

  2. CarolCooks2

    Hi Rowena…I agree with Gary about it takes a family and his reasoning why! Interesting experiment plus the feelings and actions this “baby” invoked in all situations…:) An interesting read Rowena!

  3. Tails Around the Ranch

    Love the concept but can’t imagine 2 days being sufficiently enough of a deterrent for most kids to not truly consider the consequences of having a baby in high school. And I absolutely think male students should likewise be required to have a go at it.

  4. Rowena Post author

    It didn’t take two days for Miss to realise she didn’t want the doll around. However, I think she saw it very much as a doll and not a baby. Somehow, you want to create that balance between not wanting a baby now but wanting to have one later and that there’s love and connection as well as noise and self-sacrifice.
    BTW our puppies have been a bit naughty lately. They don’t usually get into stuff but today they knocked off a kilo of plain flour from the kitchen table and there was a white floury trail out to the backyard. They also chewed up a cushion cover during the week which was precious. They are hardly neglected so not sure what’s going on. I have been out a bit more perhaps. Interesting…

  5. Rowena Post author

    I love that Gary. So inspired. That has certainly n our experience, especially with my health problems. My parents and Geoff’s sister nd her husband in particular helped us so much. We also had considerable support from friends at the school and church when things were particularly tough. It can be hard turning to the village for support and expecting that and it’s not there.
    I am trying to nut out my place in this new world I’m emerging into and where we’ll be in 18 months once Miss has left school. Actually, once she starts driving next year, we’ll be fairly liberated and possibly complaining and crying abandonment.

  6. Tails Around the Ranch

    Oh dear…those flour escapes never end up being quickly dispatched. So sorry.

    Here’s hoping the ‘baby’ exercise will give the Miss and her mates some pause for reflection (and hoping she earned a good grade for her efforts).

  7. Rowena Post author

    She ended up abandoning the baby on the second night to get a good night’s sleep. I was a bit alarmed at the time, have rationalised it since then.

  8. Tannille

    I think “granny” enjoyed the grand doll more than “mummy”. I wonder if that’s because you’re already a mum and that part of you is activated? Two days doesn’t seem long enough to teach teens a lesson; the doll should be on at all times. No sleep… find a babysitter… The harsh reality
    of parenting. No smelly poop here. A kitten or puppy would be a better option, but it’s a bit cruel to pass a baby animal around every few days.

    At least Miss prefers her sleep!

  9. Julie

    That’s interesting that there are studies that show that dolls do not reduce teen pregnancies. Our middle school never got the doll assignment, but other schools in our area did. Later on when we moved on to high school, the ones who got pregnant were those who came from my middle school. I know it’s not scientific but just an observation. I wonder if we had the assignment, they would have not ended up getting pregnant in high school.

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